i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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