Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
