Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife