Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.