i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
