God gave him joint rollers for hands
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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