you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
