I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
