the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
