hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All the doctor said was why
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Will exercising make me less horny?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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