The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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