Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
