omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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