I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize