Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
