Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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