Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
