Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
