I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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