I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
