she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
