I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
