I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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