i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
