I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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