Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
