remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
