Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize