i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
