i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
