Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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