I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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