Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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