i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
