I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
