Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
