Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
In America we eat man semen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
