You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
