we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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