On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
