Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
