My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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