So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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