So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
