Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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