apparently the secret to your success is patron
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
