dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
being pregnant is like rehab
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
