You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
