The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
