Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
