i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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