it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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