we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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