He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
