she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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