I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize