Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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