first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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