non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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