I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
