I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i've created a new STD.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
