The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.