Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?