Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.

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(206): Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too. http://tfl.nu/q39q

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(518): View more from New York

He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.

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(518): He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/dgde

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(302): View more from Delaware

you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

(1-302): View more from Delaware

he's 29.

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(302): you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son. (1-302): he's 29. http://tfl.nu/ab19

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.

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(609): i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying. http://tfl.nu/89ja

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(646): View more from New York

He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

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(646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v

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(256): View more from Alabama

There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him

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(256): There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him http://tfl.nu/3qir

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B

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(610): He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B http://tfl.nu/k0kn

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(209): View more from California

This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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(209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl

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(518): View more from New York

At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out

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(518): At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out http://tfl.nu/bjrp

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.

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(910): He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that. http://tfl.nu/o050

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(847): View more from Illinois

I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.

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(847): I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/tgoh

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(828): View more from North Carolina

you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.

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(828): you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire. http://tfl.nu/efxs

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.

(732): View more from New Jersey

you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.

(732): View more from New Jersey

IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.

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(732): You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home. (732): you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato. (732): IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME. http://tfl.nu/cjpu

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.

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(215): okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store. http://tfl.nu/bhuy

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(941): View more from Florida

do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?

(727): View more from Florida

Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.

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(941): do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party? (727): Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine. http://tfl.nu/yv6f

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