I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
porn star boner night. come get it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...