the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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