you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
