the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
