everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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